Beauty and The Green

I overheard some lady say "Beauty is only skin deep. It's what's inside that matters."

Reminds me of the saying about how money doesn't matter......something something.

I wonder how many rich and/or beautiful people say those things and really mean it. It might be a chicken or the egg circular concept, but still....how many?

Old Geezer

There was a group of four elderly persons sitting next to me. I couldn't help but overhear certain parts of their conversation. There was a married couple and two sisters sitting together. I don't know what they were talking about, but one blurted out, "Well, all I know is that men like big boobs. He (pointing to her husband) is a boob man."

This happened after her husband hugged the waitress and the same lady said "Well, now he won't give me the time of day!" (They were all very funny and cute.)

That made me wonder. The cycle of men seem to be "Innocent Baby" --> "Troublesome Toddler" --> "Strapping Young Man" --> "Grown Man" --> "Dirty Greasy Grossness" --> "Harmless Old Man" (Obviously not a complete set and not applicable to every man.)

When does the a man stop being attractive and turn into a dirty greasy man who you don't want to even look at and then into a harmless old man? Is it when we decide that he is no longer a sexual threat and we think he'd probably break a hip if he tried anything?

I sat there watching the old man hug different women and keep telling "harmless jokes" with slight sexual innuendos. The news tells us that more and more senior citizens are having sex past their 70's. Maybe men are all dirty old men...just protected by the disguise of age.

Cost of Endorphins

I was talking to my friend on the phone. My mom comes and sits next to me and tells me to tell my friend a funny story.

Me: What? I don't want to repeat a story. You want to talk to him?

Mom: No! Just tell him.

(My mom feeds me the story line by line and I repeat the sentences. After the story is over)

Mom: Did he laugh?

Me: No. That story wasn't funny. He says that the protagonist is just stupid.

Mom: Well, I feel bad for your friend then. If he had laughed he would have released $2000 worth of endorphins. (and laughs)

(Now you know where I get it from.)

Sound Chinese?

Man comes in and gives an Asian person a double take.

M: "You didn't sound Chinese on the phone!"

A: "Ha ha.....ha.....ha......ha......hmmm"

Heat, the Anti-Itch

So, after being attacked by a family of killer mosquitos, I was bitten almost 100 times on my legs in 2-3 days. Too lazy to go buy any anti-itch cream, I just sat there in misery. In my boredom I lit a candle.

So it hit me.

The itching is probably due to some protein and what destroys proteins? Heat. So I put two and two together and I stuck the tip of my finger into wax and then touched the drop of hot wax that was on my finger to a bite mark. It was hot as crap, but it took the itch away! Only problem is, 3 or 4 days later they itched again (or I was bitten again and couldn't tell which bites were old and which were new). I guess the hot wax was not hot enough to completely denature the proteins.

I suggest you just buy some cortizone, but it is something to think about.

Buffet = All you can eat HERE

Customers ask Owner at a Buffet.

C: So, I am getting full. Can I take my dessert to go?

O: I'm sorry, but we ask that you eat all the food here and not take any with you.

C: But I ate too much and now I'm too full for dessert.

(You know what the saddest thing is? The customer then either stuffs himself to a point they can't walk or they leave mad. It is only $6!!!!)

Soo Articulate!

In trying to describe the foliage and where to go to see it.

A: Go to the Smoky Mountains! It is beautiful. The trees look like a big, quilted, colorful.....quilt.

(Just think, I am one of them edumacated people too!)

Math Not Your Strong Point?

Conversation between a boss and employee:

B: Hey, I know you work two jobs because you don't have enough hours here. I will extend your hours, so just work here.

E: Well, then I want a raise.

B: Why would I give you a raise? You are doing the same job, just more hours.

E: Well, I make $7.50 per hour here and $7.50 per hour there, ... so I make $15.00 per hour. Why would I only work for you if you don't give me a raise?

B: ........

(Two days later he quit. Maybe he found a place that pays $8, so he'd be making $15.50 per hour. Who knows.....)

In the Beginning...

So I have a blog. Who would have thunk it?

I almost gave up during the process where I had to figure out a url. Either I'm not original or there are THAT many people who have a blog that all the names are taken. Maybe a little bit of both.

Sample addresses I tried:

randomramblings, myrandomramblings, craziness, qwertyuiop, poiuytrewq, asdfghjkl, zxcvbnm, whatisnottaken, whatisleft, numbtongue, etc.

Numb tongue came from me eating too much ice which made me slur like I had a few too many drinks. Ergo this address "iatetoomuchice" What can I say, I love ice.